4:35 AM

Do you remember that scene from The Blair Witch Project when the idiots lost in the woods realized that night was coming and they were going have to stay in the woods again?  That is what we feel like when the sun goes down around here.  (By the way, the scene with the children laughing and the hands shaking the tent is still hella creepy)  We know that we are in for another long night of inconsolable baby crying.

Tonight was no exception.  We had it all, including our first middle of the night trip to the drug store to get the stop the farting drops.  Two hours later that little girl is finally asleep which begs the question, what the hell am I still typing for... g'night.

Sex Panther by Odeon

At midnight last night, we fed the baby sticking to the every 2 1/2 to 3 hour feeding schedule that nightmares are made of like the good parents that we are.  Usually, the baby being satisfied, goes right back to sleep.  Not last night though...

1:14 AM...Wake up to screaming baby, pick her up, she falls asleep, put her back in bassinet.

1:29 AM... Wake up to screaming baby, pick her up, she falls asleep, put her back in bassinet.

1:34 AM... Wake up to screaming baby, pick her up, she falls asleep, put her back in bassinet.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

1:44 AM... Wake up to screaming baby, pick her up, she falls asleep, put her back in bassinet.

2:02 AM... Wake up to screaming baby, pick her up, swaddle her so tight the only thing missing is a sarcophagus, put her back in bassinet.

Finally she stays asleep for longer than 15 minutes.  I thought it was my skills of a daddy, but it turns out she kept waking herself up for a specific reason...

This.  Child.  Won't.  Stop.  Farting.

Her farts were waking her up.  The only thing I can deduce is that my superior swaddling skills made a swaddle so tight that it closed off some interior valve or something and it allowed her to get some sleep.

And oh man the smell.  Baby farts are up there with dog farts in terms of pungency.  Think of Sex Panther, by Odeon.

What I really think is that she just got used to it. Like her hiccups.  She's so small, they shake her entire body, but she is able to sleep through them.  This is now the same for her farts.  This continued all day until this evening when she finally pooped.  

We know this is a by-product of the formula supplement and that it will (hopefully) stop once she can go exclusively to breast milk.  To mitigate it, we are now burping her every five minutes while feeding her so she lets go some of that gas before it is allowed to... fester.  She is so small but can produce such a stink.  My wife says she takes after me.  I think she's probably right.

10 Years in a Box

Today I went to my office to clean out my desk and say goodbye to all of my now former co-workers.  Some of the items that I found in various drawers and cabinets were:

• The Leisure Suit Larry PS2 game that I let someone borrow probably 6 years ago
• The very first model of XM radio and the dock
• 3 CD players
• 4 different kinds of headphones
• 8 uncashed winning scratch off tickets

 It was a bittersweet feeling, cleaning out my desk, as I have devoted the past 10 years of my life to my career at this company.  I survived the recession of 2008 in which approximately 20% of the company was laid off and the office that I was working in was closed down.  I liked my career (for the most part.)  Like all careers/jobs there are good days and bad.  But if I am being completely honest, lately there were more bad days than good.  The worst of it was simply getting to the office.  Since my old office was closed, I was transferred to an office that is 60 miles from my house.  In DC metro area traffic.  Needless to say I will NOT miss my commute.

I am still "officially" an employee and will start working part time many, many months from now, once I have a better feel for this stay at home dad thing.  Basically, I'm hedging my bets.  If this stay at home dad gig doesn't work out, I can go back to my old career.  That, however, is the worst case scenario.  I would much rather be at home screwing up my kids than sitting in a cube making other people richer.  I think most people would.

Scheduling

My life has completely changed from an average of 3x8 hour blocks (work, not work, sleep) to 8x3 hour blocks.  We are still on a schedule of having to feed this little girl every three hours to keep her weight up regardless of whether she is sleeping or not.  The struggle I am having is breaking down the three hours into useful periods of time.

I have found myself devoting each three hour block to a specific activity.  For example:  three hours for cleaning some part of the house then feed the baby.  Three hours of sleep then feed the baby.  Three hours of playing and watching TV/movies with the four year old then feed the baby.  Three hours of PS4 then feed the baby.  Rinse, recycle, repeat.

Of course, this is way oversimplifying the process, as other things do get done in the three hour blocks such as eating, laundry, dishes, and putting away the mess that the four year old makes.  I have said from the beginning that I will not let the simple cleaning tasks like the dishes, laundry, and four year old toys all over the place take over the house and so far so good.

The end result is I feel like this guy...

Similac

I don't know if most parents have ever been tempted to try formula or not, but I have some simple advice:

It tastes awful.  Don't drink it.  Not even on a dare.  You know those horrific shots that your buddies bought you for your 21st birthday?  Those taste like the sweet nectar of life compared to this stuff.  We are using at as supplement for the baby girl until mommy's milk is fully in, or until the doctor tells us to stop.  Hopefully that will be today and I can put the taste of this stuff out of my mind.  Forever.  Just seeing the bottles reminds me of the taste.

Apparently, after checking some other daddy blogs, this stuff tastes the best out of the usual suspects of formula.  Oh sweet baby Jesus, I don't even want to imagine what the others must taste like then.  I still can't get the scent of washed up on the beach jellyfish baking in the sun out of my nostrils after just a little sample.

The baby, however, seems to love it, which just makes me believe that she is starving and doesn't care what it tastes like.  To me it feels like we're torturing the poor child.  Like making her watch highlights from the 1975 Stanley Cup Final (the last one the Flyers won - 14,270 days ago as of today, but who's counting).  Or she just doesn't have anything to compare it to.  After all, how does she really know it tastes bad if that's all she really has ever tasted?

3:45 AM

This is a conspiracy.  Somehow babies have a way of communicating with each other.  Some sort of ESP that only babies 2 months and younger have.  This extra sense allows them to know when it is exactly the most inconvenient for them to be awake and mad.  Really, really, mad.  For this little girl, that time has been between 2 AM and 4 AM.  Prime mommy and daddy sleeping time.  At the moment, my poor wife the feeding trough is upstairs trying in vain to get that little girl to calm down enough to eat something while I type this.  It's one of the times when I am completely useless, not having the built-in food supply that women have (I don't know you all live with those bodies, by the way).  We both know, we being my wife and I, that this little girl will be completely agreeable for the rest of the day and that we just have to get through this melt down.  But the next 2 AM is only 22 hours away...

4 AM EDIT... I kid you not she calmed down so much and is asleep so deeply that we cannot get her awake enough to eat and it happened right at 4 AM.  Conspiracy.

Oh for Crying Out Loud

Why oh why must every time I change this little girl's diaper she decides it is then the perfect opportunity to pee and poop?  Is this her way of showing me how much she loves me?  By showering me with these delightful presents?

Since we are feeding her every 2 1/2 hours, I check her diaper every time before she eats.  She is so tiny it is really hard to tell if her diaper is wet by just looking at it or feeling it.  Changing her diaper before she eats is also the way I get her to wake up, because she literally sleeps for the entire 2 hours after she is done eating and before the next time.  I don't know if this is why she decides to go as soon as I take off the diaper, since she is just waking up, but she hasn't given presents to my wife yet.  I think that this must mean she likes me and is very comfortable around me.  Yes, that is what we'll go with.